News from March 2011

Never Say Never

Mar 02, 2011

I did this illustration of Bono as Chewbacca and Danger Mouse as Han solo for my old friend Corbie Hill. He was writing a WTF piece for option magazine about how Danger Mouse was producing Bono’s next album.

The reason I’m bringing it up now is because I’m knee deep in in a big web app that’s launching this Thursday. I haven’t even had time to brainstorm an idea this week. I just fired up illustrator at 10:00PM and stared at an empty art board for 45 minutes. After much head banging and frustration I decided to dig into the archive of illustrations I’ve done for other people. I went back on what I said on facebook, but posting old quality is better than new crap. But hey, it’s new to at least 5 of you, and that’s all that matters.


Probably Works

Mar 09, 2011

There are a lot of comics and illustrators that do the how to drawings in the style of airplane emergency manuals. I’m now one of them, but I had this idea for a dust jacket to cover a book proclaiming your giant manhood for a while. I couldn’t think of a good way to make it seem like you printed it out unless I used the how to format. This was also a good excuse to do so some typography even if I am terrible at it. And, for those of you with a sharp eye for design, yes that is Helvetica.

I’ve been thinking about a way to sell merchandice/prints for much smaller amounts, I haven’t quite put my finger on it yet but I really need to find a way to monetize even a slight success. Ad revenue is pretty much non-existent and I hate donate buttons. If anyone has any ideas I’m open to them.


Lying to Your Friends

Mar 16, 2011

I don’t think anyone is perfectly honest about who they are and what they do on facebook. Your interests don’t always reflect what you do on a day to day basis. So you like skateboarding, playing guitar and generally looking cool but that’s not really you. You really only put the things that people will gravitate to and leave out embarrassment things like “passing out in a recliner drunk with a bag of cheetos”.

I like to think of facebook as this game where you try to see who can fabricate the most believable lie in a competition to see who has the best “life”. It’s like permanently showing off vacation photos with everyone you work with, “You see this? I’m jumping off a giant rock into a gorgeous hidden bay in Oregon. Oh you were here working and eating ramen noodles while I was having that much fun? That sucks for you.”



Mar 23, 2011

I know the real reason why storm troopers have terrible aim, it’s because they are cannon fodder in a kids movie where the main characters only get hurt when it’s necessary to the story. More so it’s probably because a battle with lasers just looks cool and the guys who came in and added the lasers got a little overzealous. So now it appears that a storm trooper, instead of narrowly missing his target, puts enough rounds down field to empty his entire clip and not even singe the edge of his target.

I know this sort of terrible aim isn’t just a storm trooper thing. There are plenty of other bad minions with poor aim such as Star Trek extras, Batman villains/henchmen, and anyone who shoots at Robocop besides at his DAMN MOUTH. Seriously it’s the only exposed skin on his entire bullet proof body. Am I the only one can can obviously see the large glowing red weak spot? Maybe I’ve been playing too many Capcom games.


Smokin' Racks

Mar 30, 2011

While I was in Tennessee I saw a billboard for a Hooters clone called “Spice Rack” that serves BBQ. I was in the middle of a six hour drive and I had time to brainstorm, what is the worst genre of restaurant to cross over with the hooters model of business? By model, I mean underpay poor college age girls to be hit on by any guy stupid enough to pay $34 for a burger, fries and a Bud Light. I began to think the only reason girls will work at hooters is that they are in a controlled environment and the manger is always a big burly bouncer guy, if things got out of hand that guy was ready to throw down. But what if it wasn’t a sit down place, and instead it let perverts pay to bring those poor waitresses to their front door?

Once that obvious failure of a business model was in place, picking a name was easy. All you do is pick a slang term for breasts and then try to make it related to the style of food. It’s easy, here’s a quick list off the top of my head.

Tats – Tater Tot Stand
Jitter Jugs – Coffee Shop
Fun Bags – Sandwich Takeout

I had to dance around the R word that people freaked out on penny arcade for. I didn’t really think it was necessary to make that possibility one hundred percent on the forefront of this illustration. I think the idea of letting men pay to have a full figured lady show up at their door at will is enough on it’s own.