Comical Concept | Weekly Illustrations

Family Windshield

I don’t really know why people are starting to share their entire life story in stick figures on the back of their car. I’ve seen a lot of weird combinations lately, a man, two women, an angel guy, two dogs and a chicken. A CHICKEN. This shit’s getting out of hand, and I think it’s not too long before we start seeing creepy flair like I’ve illustrated, cause of death and liquor bottles.

On the topic of car decorations in poor taste, I’d like to briefly mention how much I hate the “in loving memory of” car memorials. I’m fairly certain gammy and pop pop didn’t want to be “immortalized” on the rear window of your Ford Aerostar next to a promo for your favorite head shop and oval “OBX” sticker.

Turtle Power

It always really bothered me how inefficiently the turtles used their weapons. The two turtles with the deadliest weapons, Leonardo and Raphael, never actually got to stab or cut anything other than robots and ropes with heavy things on the other end. Donatello and Michelangelo got to got to town beating the hell out of anything any time. I always imagined a situation where Leonardo had a shitty day and was just getting sick of cutting ropes and stabbing bad guys shirts into walls to stop them, and he just straight fucking murders some one because he has places to be.

Bucks Upchuck

The short version. This is how I imagine my coffee feeling when I accidentally knock it over.

In addition to that brief explanation, I should point out that puking any coffee product is not pleasant and that’s why I think a coffee cup would look sad spewing.

Just a Regular Week

Something about having multiple deadlines with heavy percentages of your income on the line on a weekly basis starts to wear on you after a while. When you have problems or hold ups that start shifting your schedule back and effectively wasting your time and money you start to get a little bent out of shape. If you have a bunch of problems day in and day out for a week you tend to flip out a little by weeks end, even if it is friday. I know plenty of freelancers and everybody is pretty worn down by the time Friday hits on a busy week.

Working from home and making money remotely sounds like a party, but for all the goods theres a whole new set of bad to deal with… and raging out is one. It’s kind of hard to keep your composure when there’s not co-workers to embarrass yourself infront of. Screaming obscenities at the top of your lungs while wearing a piggly wiggly t-shirt and jogging pants is a special thing really.

OH, and the whole frazzled larger hair thing is a real metric my wife uses to see what kind I’ve had. I have thick curly hair and if it’s a stressful day I’ll pull at it while I’m angry and freaking out, teasing into a curly giant mess that rivals the best 80’s hair… I wear a hat when I leave the house.

Jump Grind Repeat

This is my recipe for success for every game ever, find a strategy with the greatest reward with minimal risk. The first game I really honed this whole process in was the Tony Hawk Pro Skater demo on PS1. There was this exact setup of half pipes and upper rails above the pipe. After listening to the two audio tracks and playing constantly for days I figured out a fun little exploit. With Tony Hawk games, every 180 you spin gives you another x1 multiplier, so the more you spin in a combo the greater the magnitude of points you can get. There’s also a point total for every trick you do and a constant point value per second while grinding a rail. Put this all together in to one constant whirling and spinning chain and you will soon get a X24 multiplier and if you do a quick grab trick while spinning you’ll get an insanely high score with minimal risk and effort.

Circle of Pork

I think that giving everyday foods some kind of touching family story is funny to me, I don’t quite no why. I just had this image in my head of a slab of pork and a loaf of bread reminiscing about raising their son the hotdog.

I was short on time today, so food ideas are always awesome because drawing food is super quick and I can execute when I have tons of work to do.

Internet Fat Cats

I always see these really scathing and inflammatory remarks on the internet and think about the kind of person that posts them. I always think of some extremely calm, and fat, person in a dark room just sitting still and emotionless typing shit you wouldn’t read in a mens room. I also think that anything internet related should have cats.

It Burns

James Bond has seen some action in his day. I spent a lot of time over the holidays watching the varios Bond-a-thons, and it never ceases to amaze me how many separate women he sleeps with in a movie.

The rules for getting boned by Bond are as follows.

1. If Bond sexes up an agent that’s sent to report on him or assist him in travel, she’ll be dead within 15 minutes.

2. If Bond sleeps with an A or B list actress not on the poster, she’ll be the villain or the villain’s girlfriend. Bond will wind up killing her personally.

3. If Bond bones a cocktail waitress or massage therapist who only smiles and responds to his cheesy pick up lines, she’s safe.

4. If Bond bangs Moneypenny, it’s a dream sequence or a virtual reality training simulation.

Egg Choices

I love deviled eggs, but they don’t love me. It’s a deal with the devil in my stomach every time and I can’t resist it… EVER. Deviled eggs also go really well with ham, and guess what a lot of people eat for Christmas dinner?

I had a stomach ache that day, me and Dante.

Deese Nuts

I came home from a trip to see my sister with a terrible sinus infection. I’ve been light headed and delirious from cold medicine all day. I can’t really explain this one too much, other than I remembered an old terrible joke from when I was in middle school. The joke goes like this.

Kid 1: “Hey, you want bofa?”
Kid 2: “Bofa what?”
Kid 1: “BOFA DEESE NUTS” (Gestures to crotch)

That’s pretty much it, some times you just giggle about something stupid and draw a cartoon squirrel looking way too happy to be holding walnuts.